a yowl in the night (revision 001)

carve the death's head on my heart.
say it's over; let the argument start.

carve the death's head on my heart.
one last time; crack my ribs apart.

sing my praises
while you stomp my dreams.
turn my hope useless
meaningless
lifeless.

sing my praises
and carve the death's head on my heart.
say it's over; now our paths must part.

my child wants to beg while
my stone cold butch wants to say fuck off;
true to form, I close off and lock you out.

a yowl in the night

carve the death's head on my heart.
say it's over; let the argument start.

carve the death's head on my heart.
one last time; crack my ribs apart.

sing my praises
while you stomp my dreams.
make my hope useless
meaningless
obsolete.

sing my praises
and carve the death's head on my heart.
say it's over; now our paths must part.

crack and break
crush and hurt
down to molecular
nothing.

the child in me wants to beg
the stone cold butch wants to say fuck off
true to form
I close off.

bring those walls back up
and hide this bleeding heart
from your stone cold knife
words & fears.

lock you out
like all those who hurt me most
so that you can't carve the death's head
while singing those praises
to my heart.

the flipside of Responsibility

you're walking away

~i would stay~

not fair some might say

~i know it~
~i don't accuse~
~i just long for the day you can stay~

days that make me say "Fuck the World"

Shitstorm rages
pounds my soul
crumples my walls
and crushes my heart

I never cry
never shed a tear
suck up all the pain

I am a hardass
a tough bitch
the strong one for everyone
including myself

I never let someone else hold me
never let someone else hear my whimpers
never let someone else comfort me

This is more than my "I love you"

This is my "I trust you"
This is my"I believe you"
This is my "I need you"

Absolutely Amazing :: Non-(word) Poetry Content

I'm not a math person, but this is far too interesting to leave alone. I found it in an oddly appropriate place: a chain maille site, Blue Buddha Boutique.

The beautiful math that links coral, crochet and hyperbolic geometry

This is a poetry of harmony, of numbers and skill and craft. I find it astounding, enlivening, and inspiring!

Holding Me

Note: I'm going to try something different and link the txt document instead of writing the poem into blogger. So follow the link and let me know what you think;).

Second note: While I had been toying with the idea of PDF docs for the poems, it was a recent stroll through an ex's defunct website that finally swung the decision. Any other choice is going to be too much of a scripting nightmare. OpenOffice lets me write up my poem and then immediately export it as a PDF. Frankly, that's far more convenient than messing with tags and classes and naming conventions.

My Top Firefox Addons :: Non-Poetry Content

So my little Libra made the mistake of asking me for my addons. It started innocently enough with me sharing a few that I used to make my surfing life easier, but then she asked which ones I thought she might like. Well! This is what I make sure is on both of my Firefoxes: one for work and one that's portable (portableapps.com).

Here's my list. Note that bold listings are interacted with almost daily and italicized listings are interacted with at least once a month. Anything else has either been left with default settings or has required little to no interaction.:

AutoPager = https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/4925

Better Lifehacker = https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/8011

Bookmark Duplicate Detector = https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/1553

ColorZilla = https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/271

Delicious Bookmarks = https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/3615

Deng Google Bookmarks = https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/3892

Dictionary.com = https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/6261

Fast Dial = https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/5721

Fire.fm = https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/7684

FireFTP = https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/684

Foxmarks Bookmark Synchronizer = https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/2410

Greasefire = https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/8352

Greasemonkey = https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/748

iGoogle Tab Remover = https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/10113

LinkedIn Companion for Firefox = https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/1512

MeasureIt = https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/539

Paste to Tab & Go = https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/7163

Print Context Menu = https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/2594

QuickPageZoom = https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/6715

Rotor Throbber = https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/8315

ScribeFire = https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/1730

Status-bar Calculator = https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/2111

Stylish = https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/2108

Tab Mix Plus = https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/1122

Text Link = https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/1939

TwitterFox = https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/5081

so scribefire /doesn't/ work with MySpace

At least 4 users have posted it as a defect on the developer's google site ( http://code.google.com/p/scribefire/issues/detail?id=1090&q=myspace ) with the original post being back in February. On there one of the complainants says that MySpace pretty much blew them off.

guess I'll give it a shot. sure I'll get the same answer, but never hurts to try.

testing new scribefire install

just uninstalled scribefire. doesn't seem to be working. very disconcerting. it's supposed to work with myspace too. going to post this everywhere and see how it goes.

testing new scribefire install

just uninstalled scribefire. doesn't seem to be working. very disconcerting. it's supposed to work with myspace too. going to post this everywhere and see how it goes.

Moving so soon?

I might be. I don't like the inability to format text here. For my muse, it's a huge roadblock. And the lack of privacy at home.

All of that is set to change in 3 weeks. I'm moving back home. Still not ideal, but as I'm losing my job in two weeks, far more practical. The upshot is that I'll have far more privacy and freedom than I currently do.

And I've discovered that the dreaded MySpace, which I've avoided like the plague for five years, will allow me to format text to my liking. Which sucks because I've been using ScribeFire to update livejournal and it's quite convenient.

so we'll see. maybe I'll just move my poetry there and keep livejournal going.

Mired Passion

aching
to lay down and hold you

aching
to press close and slide over you

aching
to feel wetness slick hot clingy

aching
to know you

aching
to whisper to you

devotions and divinations
prayers and promises

aching
to give you
all the things of a lover
sun, moon, stars
sands and oceans
mountains and valleys
vows, oaths
knightly deeds of courtship
Epic Bravery
Romantic Lust

Sweet Dreams which could
never survive reality

Sweet Dreams that pulse
in my brain
and drip from my pen

But twist as they leave my mouth
or fly over the keyboard

Tentative and fragile
awkward brick thoughts
without the will of youth
the innocence and eagerness
or the blind foolish faith

Is this what you want?
plagues my every Sweet Dream
words that flew off my tongue in youth
find no easy release ten years later

I would not go back but cannot go forward
no past
no future
and a very uncertain present

Lust equaled Love for ten years
and it was not enough

Break my heart or save me
It's not your job
Whatever ache moves me
is mine to wade through
no past
no future
and only a very uncertain present

all faced alone
even as I ask for solace and distraction
not knowing what I can offer in return
except fumbling and kisses
and a mired passion

2:04 am cdt, 2.26.2009

sometimes v1

sometimes
I want more
sometimes
I want you closer to me
sometimes
I want to tie you deeper into my heart

sometimes

and sometimes
I think it's better to walk away
before the damage can begin
before we twist each other
before we ruin each other
before we hate each other

I don't need another ex-lover
I don't want another ex-lover
I don't want to be another ex-anything
I don't want to break another heart
or have my heart broken again

but sometimes

sometimes
I want you closer
sometimes
I want you deeper
sometimes
I want you fuller
within me

sometimes